I chose to be a mother. I enjoy being a mother. I chose to have a lot of kids and I'm glad that I have a big family. I am a stay at home mom by choice and believe that motherhood and strengthening the family is very important.
That being said, I've been in a funk. A burned out mother funk.
I hear people say that motherhood is difficult but so rewarding. Lately I've felt the difficult but not so much rewarding.
Today my husband and I had a role reversal. I had to take a certification exam for Music Therapy and attend another certification class. And although my day was full of taking tests and training-- I loved it!!
My husband took the day off and played Mr. Mom. Last night, I was excited for a day all by myself and Jason was excited to have a day at home where he could get some projects done.
I knew it was going to be a good day when I walked out the door as Jason was waking up the kids and heard Kamary say "I'm not going to school!" I just smiled knowing that, today, I didn't have to deal with it.
I drove through Phoenix during rush hour, but got there in time to have breakfast and read. Then I took the test. I passed and got a higher score than I had anticipated! It felt so good.
So it felt nice to use my brain and pass my test and feel like I accomplished something.
I went to lunch at Red Lobster-- all by myself. Ahhhh. I didn't have to get anyone ready for school, I didn't have to drive anyone anywhere and I didn't have to make breakfast, lunch or snacks.
Then I went to my training meeting on Article 9, which is basically Arizona law when dealing with individuals with developmental disabilities. It was so nice sitting in the class and being the student. I've always loved to learn and prefer being the student instead of the teacher. But of course being a mom, I've had to be the teacher. And my only break is when I'm teaching music lessons (which isn't really a break because I'm still the teacher). So I did the homework, took the test and recieved my certification. I didn't have to stop any fights, send anyone to time out, listen to whining and complaining, or trying to get kids to do chores and homework.
I drove home feeling refreshed and revived.
Now, I know that some people go out more often, but I have issues with people babysitting my kids. I just don't want to burden anyone and feel guilty when I have them watch my kids. It really is my own issue because I have no problem with the babysitter (they're my good friends) and my kids are pretty well behaved. I just feel bad asking people to watch my kids. So usually I save it for necessity (going to the Dr.), but then that's not really a break and I have to get back to pick up other kids or something like that.
Today I knew Jason was watching the kids (no guilt because they are his kids too) and I had no time deadlines. I just did my stuff and actually stopped off at the store on the way home.
Now, if I had to do this everyday, it would not be so great. I did choose to stay home with my kids because that's where my heart is and that's where I want to be. But it was sure nice to have a day to myself and to feel like I've accomplished something.